Champion At Drivin' Em Crazy

Melody - Limerick Rake

1. I am a bold Irishman,
Murphy's me name.
I'm known as a piper
And fiddler of fame.
Tin whistlin's me forte,
On the flute I'm the same
At the squeeze-box
There's none can me equal.

2. I whistle for breakfast,
And pipe for me tea
I play me ould flute
twenty-five hours a day.
And I can't understand
Why so many folk say
I'm champion at
Drivin' 'em crazy.

3. Well, I once had a sweetheart,
So fair and divine
She said that she loved me,
I thought she was mine.
She'd the shape of a fiddle
And her hair was so fine
For bowstrings
You'd sure find no better.

4. She told me forever
Her love would endure;
She asked me to kiss her,
Me answer was," Sure.
And why not? It's good practice
For my embouchure!"
I'm champion at
Drivin' 'em crazy.

5. Well, this lass was persistent
And her efforts soon led
To a room in a pub
With a big double bed
And she said, "Do you know
It is time we were wed?"
I said, "Is that a reel
Or a hornpipe?"
  6. Well I took off my clothes
And down on the bed sat
Says she, "Won't your whistle
Go longer than that?"
I said, "What takes your fancy,
Is it F or B-flat?"
I'm champion at
Drivin' 'em crazy.

7. Well, a little while after,
She says to me, "Pat,
I think that your whistlin'
Is making me fat."
And, a few months being over,
She up and begat
A wee fellow,
The image of me.

8. Well, at three weeks of age
He could lilt a few tunes;
At a month he was batterin'
On bodhran and bones.
And now he's the master
Of chanter and drones
He'll be champion at
Drivin' 'em crazy.

9. Well me wife she soon left us,
And all in due course
For "musical cruelty"
She got her divorce,
And despite all our vows
Of "for better or worse,"
I'm left all alone
With the baby.

10. Well, he's Ireland's best piper
By quite a long chalk;
His fiddling's unequaled
From Sligo to Cork,
And, as soon as he learns
How to walk and to talk
He'll be champion at
Drivin' 'em crazy.

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