Funeral Party

Melody -

1. Oh, the other night
I got an invitation to a funeral
But to me disappointment
The fucker didn't die
So to ease our disappointment
He took us out and treated us
And seein' as he apologized,
We let the thing go by.

2. To ease our disappointment
He took us out and treated us
He bought a quart of ale
For a company of ten
When some one of us asked him
Whose money he was squanderin'
The fellow took his wallet out,
We never asked again.

3. Now, we got a concertina
For to aid in the rascality
But none of us could play it
Though we tried our best and worse
We made an awful noise,
And if it's any benefit
We played the thing so carefully
That all the bellows burst.

4. We got a boiled potato
For to mend the concertina with
When someone hit Maloney
With the carcass of a cat
He bottled up his whiskers,
And he read out the riot act
He swore he'd put two hits
Upon the bastard who did that.

5. When the owner of the beershop,
He saw us all a'riotin'
He gave orders to get out but,
At that we all refused
So he whistled in some loafers
That were standin' round the corner
and for ten or fifteen minutes
We was bodily abused.

6. When we left the beer shop,
On down the road we started
When a bunch of hungry urchins,
They pelted us with mud
We told them to chuck it,
They said that they were doin' that
And then they all ran off
And they left us where we stood.
  7. Well, the next thing we got
Was a bunch of salvationers
They rifled all our pockets
And they asked us, were we saved?
Poor little John McGintey
Got escorted to the station-house
For askin' a great policeman
If his appetite was shaved.

8. Oh, for to free McGintey
We then took off our undershirts
And down to the pawnshop
We took the bloomin' lot
We told him that we only wanted
Ten and six on them
There's enough on them already
Was the answer that we got.

9. We got our ten and six
All for to free McGintey with
Bad luck to that beershop
That we passed along the way
For of course we couldn't pass it
Without having some refesherment
And we squandered all the money
Of the fine we had to pay.

10. Now the drink bein' in us,
The sense, it was all out of us
And for a bit of riotin'
We quickly did repair
We battered one another
Till we all weren't worth three ha'pennies
You could have carpeted the floor
With all the skin and hair.

11. For McCarty hit McGintey
And McGintey hit some other man
And every man hit any man
Against he had a spite.
Poor old Macnamara
Who was sittin' sayin' nothin'
Got a kick that broke his jaw
For not indulgin' in the fight.

12. We fought away like Turks
Until the police separated us
They took us to the jail
With broken noses and black eyes
I got sixty days in prison
And it was a lesson, sure:
I'll go no more to funerals
Until the bastard dies.

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