1. As I went home on Monday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw a horse outside the door Where my old horse should be Well I called me wife and I said to her Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that horse outside the door Where my old horse should be. 2. Oh you're drunk youre drunk You silly old fool still you cannot see That's a lovely sow That me mother sent to me Well it's many a day I've travelled A hundred miles or more But a saddle on a sow Sure I never saw before. 3. And as I went home on Tuesday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw a coat behind the door Where my old coat should be Well I called me wife and I said to her Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that coat behind the door Where my old coat should be. 4. Oh you're drunk you're drunk You silly old fool still you cannot see That's a wollen blanket That me mother sent to me Well it's many a day I've travelled A hundred miles or more But buttons on a blanket Sure I never saw before. 5. And as I went home on Wednesday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw a pipe upon the chair Where my old pipe should be Well I called me wife and I said to her Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that pipe upon the chair Where my old pipe should be. 6. Oh you're drunk you're drunk You silly old fool still you cannot see That's a lovely tin whistle That me mother sent to me Well it's many a day I've travelled A hundred miles or more But tobacco in a tin whistle Sure I never saw before. 7. And as I went home on Thursday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw two boots beneath the bed Where my old boots should be Well I called me wife and I said to her Will you kindly tell to me Who owns them boots beneath the bed Where my old boots should be.

8. Oh you're drunk you're drunk You silly old fool still you cannot see They're two lovely geranium pots Me mother sent to me Well it's many a day I've travelled A hundred miles or more But laces in geranium pots I never saw before. 9. And as I went home on Friday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw a head upon the bed Where my old head should be Well I called me wife and I said to her Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that head upon the bed Where me old head should be. 10. Oh you're drunk you're drunk You silly old fool Still you cannot see That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me Well it's many a day I've travelled A hundred miles or more But a baby boy with whiskers on Sure I never saw before. 11. As I went home on Saturday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw two hands upon her breasts Where me two hands should be Well I called my wife and I said to her Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that hands upon your breasts Were me two hands should be. 12. Oh you're drunk you're drunk You silly old fool still you cannot see That's a lovely night gown That me mother sent to me Well it's many a day I travelled A hundred miles and more But fingers in a night gown Sure I never saw before. 13. As I went home on Sunday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw a thing in her thing Where me old thing should be Well I called my wife and I said to her Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that thing in your thing Where me old thing should be. 14. Oh you're drunk you're drunk You silly old fool still you cannot see That's that lovely tin whistle That me mother sent to me Well it's many a day I travelled A hundred miles and more But hair on a tin whistle Sure I never saw before.

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