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Paddy McGinty's Goat

Mister Patrick McGinty,
an Irishman of note,
Came into a fortune and
he bought himself a goat
Said he, "Sure of goat milk,
I aim to have my fill."
But when he got his nanny home,
he found it was a Bill.

And now all the ladies
who live in Kililew
Are all wearing bustles
like their mothers used to do
They each wear a bolster
beneath their petticoat
And leave the rest to providence
and Paddy McGinty's Goat.

Off the West coast of Ireland
one morning there were seen
As plain as any pikes, there's
the German submarines
When Coastguard Maloney
fell over in a fit
Said Paddy McGinty's Goat,
"It's time for me to do my bit."

He dove into the water
as frisky as a whale
Swam around the U-boat,
waggin' his little tail
He upped with his horn and
he stuck it in the boat
And sent the Hun to Heligoland
did Paddy McGinty's Goat.

Now the bold Irish Guards though
you'd think it was romance
Adopted the goat and
they took him out to France
The day that they landed
he heard the bugle blow
He ducked his little cranium
and ran to meet the foe.

The Germans retreated
and hurriedly they fled
And holding their noses
they tumbled over dead
"Ach" said the Kaiser
"there's poison gas afloat"
It was only the effluvium
from Paddy McGinty's goat.
Little Nora McCarthy,
the knot was going to tie
She washed all the bloomers
and hung them out to dry
Along came the Goat and
he saw that it was white
He chewed 'em up to fodder
as begun the wedding night.

"Oh, turn off the gas quick!"
she shouted out to Pat
"Although I'm your bride, sure,
I'm not worth looking at!"
"I had two of everything,
I told you when I wrote,
But now I'm wearing nothing
'cause of Paddy McGinty's Goat!"

Now Pat McGinty's goat
had a wondrous appetite
And often for breakfast
he'd eat some dynamite,
A box full of sparklers
he'd swallow with a grin
And when he'd had his fill of that,
he drank some paraffin.

He sat by the fireside -
he didn't give a hang.
He swallowed a spark and
exploded with a bang.
So when you get to heaven
you can bet the dollar note,
That the angel with the whiskers on
is Paddy McGinty's goat.

Now Mickey Reilly went to the
races the other day,
he won a twenty pound note
and shouted 'hip hooray',
he held out the note saying
'look at what I've got',
when along came McGinty's goat
and swallowed all the lot.

He's eaten me twenty pound note
cried Mickey with a jump,
so they called for the doctor,
to get the stomach pump,
well they pumped and they pumped
for that twenty pound note,
but all they got was sixpence out
of Paddy McGinty's goat!

Now Old Mrs Lane said to
her daughter Mary-Jane,
Who was the young man you
were cuddling in the lane,
With long wiry whiskers
a'hanging from his chin,
'twas only Paddy McGinty's goat
she answered with a grin.

She was sent away from
the village in disgrace,
And came back with powder
and paint upon her face,
She had rings upon her fingers
and she wore a sable coat,
You can bet your life she never got those
from Paddy McGinty's Goat.